Comparison of where I was to where I am.

Wow! I feel so self conscious right now about the weight I still have. Mainly the belly fat that seems to take forever to lose. 

I decided to compare where I was with where I am right now. I'm glad I did! 

It's amazing what 270lbs, some courage and determination will do. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm so much further than where I was physically, emotionally and spiritually.  This winter has been a tough one. It's given me a run for my money and played with my head at times. Whether I was sick or had symptoms from the side effects for a drug I am since off of or whether it was the many feet of snow paired with longer, darker nights I just figured I had gained and felt awful from the battle playing in my head. Looking at this comparison has given me joy and courage to keep moving forward. I must be doing something right. I just have to tweak a few things.  Thanks friends for the encouragement.

60 more pounds to go. 25lbs to finish my short term goal which has been the hardest 25 pounds to lose. Hopefully after that, the big apron belly will start to shed. Be gone belly, be gone!

Struggling

I have to say that I am feeling quite icky. I'm not sure if it's hormones, or the fact that I have a tipped uterus or even a multiple of issues but I'm achey all over including my knees that I have issues at times with running. I have pretty bad headaches, my lower back is extremely bad and man am I depressed!  Moody just isn't describing the way I feel right now. I know that getting a regular menstrual cycle is a good thing but maybe not having had it regularly for years is making up for lost time.

To top things off I feel HUGE. I'm not sure if I've actually gained 60 pounds or just feel like it but man do I feel like a lead balloon!

I figured I'd jot this down so that I can look back and see how my body is changing and what I'm going through.

I don't have a whole lot to say. I'm taking things minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.  By the grace of God!  I seem to be functioning for the most part and am keeping myself busy so I don't get too stagnant.

If anyone out there is reading this. I pray you have a day filled with blessings in Jesus name.  Keep on keepin on!

Another Step Forward!

I couldn't write this in my regular status post on FACEBOOK but I wanted to jot this here.

I've been exercising and eating "mostly vegan" for a while now.  I have had many medical issues pertaining to hormone and endocrine issues. PCOS, Hypothyroid, Type II diabetes, hyper-prolactinemia, fertility issues, etc. etc. etc.

The past two months I've been getting my menstrual cycle. Something I haven't had since it stopped when I was about 16 years old. I was told I'd had PCOS, but at the time it was such a new diagnosis that Dr.'s didn't really know what to do with it. So he put me on The Pill to regulate the menstrual cycle and when I got off it because I felt awful 2 years later, I found myself with full blown type II diabetes and hypothyroid disease. It masked the cause but covered the symptoms.

Like clockwork I got my menstrual cycle yet again.  I don't remember EVER having a regular menstrual cycle that came when predicted. I was told we could never conceive for YEARS because I never had an actual period. The Dr.'s just assumed if I didn't have one, I couldn't ovulate to get pregnant. BOY were they ever wrong! In 2009 without fertility meds we conceived Jackson on a mini vacation. I thought I had rectal cancer (no joke, later I found I had a tipped uterus and my left ovary was literally somewhere close to the sphincter)! Most close to us know that our son later passed at 22 weeks gestations just 25 minutes after he was born prematurely to what I later researched was an Incompetent Cervix. 2 years later after we conceived through IUI fertility treatment we had our little rainbow baby.

I'm sure you must be laughing by now. It is funny, but I can assure you that it's NO LAUGHING MATTER for my husband.  I get lower back cramps and I'm worse than a witch to deal with! I have been sick to my stomach, have had the munchies which is abnormal for me and just undoubtedly off emotionally and physically then...SURPRISE!  Holy Cats!  I knew I was hormonal and figured it "could" be but counting the days between the last cycle it was literally shall I say predictable?!

I'd imagine some of you ladies are wondering what all the big deal is but when you go for YEARS without any cycle at all and then have two predictable cycles though I will say I should be quarantined so not to raise hell with those around me for being too forward and too moody.  One gets excited that maybe all the hard work has been paying off.

I WILL say this though.  I am bloated. I wore typical cotton pants, I hated walking out in public feeling bloated but I didn't give a hoot! I feel a ton and it doesn't feel all that great.   Whoa Nelly! Someone help my cranky mood swings and don't look at me the wrong way or my evil looks will haunt you for months!

So, I'm guessing this is a sign that the hard work of eating healthy and exercising is working. Right now however, I am moody, I'm tired, I'm bloated and get the heck outa my way if your on the roads or look at me wrong! Hahaha

Happy Weekend Everyone! Go have some peace and joy. I'm going to find my happy place!

It's Happening!

Iron Girl Syracuse

I cannot believe how close we are. I'm excited and freaked out at the same time. I'm REALLY excited!

Iron Girl Syracuse

A Muggy But Overall Successful Ride

60 laps (20 miles) on the bike today. No brick thank God Almighty! Here's how it felt. Muggy, REALLY muggy, A gust of flipping wind to make it harder. Just when I kept getting to the reach of another lap, a sweet older man left his sprinkler on JUST out of reach while saying, "you know 3 laps is a mile right?". I laughed a little when I told him it didn't matter because I had to get 60 laps in. He told me before I left he didn't want to get me wet. Hahaha Little did he know I was dying. Pavlov's Dog seems to ring a bell at that moment.

Still, I can't even BEGIN to comprehend what the athletes went through yesterday in the heat when it was hard enough with my 60 laps. I'm EXHAUSTED!

My coach makes it look like a dip in the pool, a short bike ride up a hill and a stroll through the park. I had respect for him before, but a whole lot more now that I've seen first hand how EXTREME the conditions were. These people pay big bucks to endure pain! Hahaha

Physical Therapy Session Brings Good News!

Physical Therapy finished! The PT said he was impressed with the progress. Especially with the IT band stretch which I could barely do weeks prior. He used a couple other types of IT band stretches after yesterdays training and after an hour of lactic acid buildup (that's no joke let me tell you)again, I am now feeling great! YAY for progress!

The Inch Worm...Go!

A certain coach has added the Inchworm to my regimen. The pushup wasn't asked for but I may just "try" it. I would rather do the "watermelon crawl" though. 

Surpassing Milestones And Overcoming My Own Standards

I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll start with the fact that I finished. I finished something I never imagined I could do. I left a whole lot of baggage physically and emotionally on the course today. I broke down twice, prayed a whole lot, met new friends and bonded with the two most amazing triathletes who helped me and encouraged me from the beginning. 

I made it through a little less than half a mile swimming toward rocky waves and managed not to be the last one out. Transition was slower than I would have liked but I got to the bike and finished 6 miles instead of my hoped-for 12. I ran a 15 minute mile and finished with 2 miles of the 3 miles I'll have to go which is MORE than I thought I could do even yesterday.

I cried twice because of the mental determination I had and also because of the debilitating fears I hope to overcome. The ones that have led me here on this journey. Of lost hopes and dreams of a child I held and had to let go, of blame and anger which led to more fear and anger. It all just came to a standstill on the road running. Overcoming standards. MY standards! Pushing past the emotional pain which I hold more than any physical scars I could endure.

Still through it all, I had my friends...new and old, by my side while my husband and Little Bear cheered me on, left and cheered me through the door again.

Guilt, shame, fear, failure, lost dreams. They are not what builds the strength to overcome victoriously! God holds no prison with which to keep us. Rather, He builds us up with a new sense of HOPE. With His strength we gain courage. Setting the baggage aside is giving me a whole new life. One that I hope will flourish and become a new way of life for my marriage and our daughter.

Today has been a hard day physically and emotionally, but I did it! I conquered the unknown, left the emotional pain behind and am hopeful for a better future.

Thank you to my coach Jamie for believing in me and opening your heart and expertise to someone you never met that day you saw my post. Thank you to Lance and his wife for what you've done for me, Farah from Syracuse Woman's Magazine and her mom for the blessing you've been, for Kellie and Joslyn for being present with me today...for pushing me and encouraging me. For redirecting my fears and anxieties. Thank you to the slew of athletes who have blessed my life with your friendships, your wisdom and resources. Bless you all for the kind hearts you have!

To the family who supports me everyday and to my friend Patti for praying with me and for talking with me when all I wanted to do was die from the heartache and pain. For standing on Gods word for our Little Bear who is our rainbow baby. To Deanna who shares a similar heartache. I can't imagine my life without you. This journey would have been SO DIFFERENT. I wouldn't have met any of these people without Gods hand over our friendship. 

Finally to the husband Doug with whom God hand-picked to be mine. Nobody would have stood the obstacles we've had together. I'm not even sure anyone would have stuck with me for the attitudes I've had. You love me. ALL of me! You are loving, thoughtful, compassionate, patient, kind, gentle, encouraging and supportive. You allow me this time so I can be who God made me to be. So I can be there for the two of you! Thank you so much!

It sounds like an award right now, I'm just on an emotional high. A year ago, I had my will typed up and thought I was heading toward death. Today I'm feeling great and facing with the things I couldn't change so that I could LIVE without fear.

Panic Before The Practice Run

I'm panicking the night before my first participation in swim/bike/run (or walk/run) practice at CNY Tri Club. If I'm this nervous about a training day, I'd imagine I'm going to need a stiff drink or a sock in the head the night before the actual event to help me sleep. Lord, save me from my own thoughts!

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

I'm 40 And It's THE BEST Start To A Whole New Decade!

"How You Live (Turn Up The Music)"  

 Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken Wear your red dress Use your good dishes Make a big mess and make lots of wishes Have what you want but want what you have Hmmmmm And don't spend your life lookin back.

  Turn up the music Turn it up loud Take a few chances And let it all out Cause you won't regret it Lookin back from where you have been Cause it's not who you knew And it's not what you did It's how you lived.

  So go to the ball game And go to the ballet Go see your folks more than just on the holidays Kiss all your children Dance with your wife Tell your husband you love him every night Don't run from the truth cause you can't get away Oh No... Just face it and you'll be okay.

  Turn up the music Turn it up loud Take a few chances And let it all out Cause you won't regret it Lookin back from where you have been Cause it's not who you knew And it's not what you did It's how you lived. 

 Ohhhhh Wherever you are and wherever you been Now is the time to begin.

  To give to the needy And pray for the grieving Even when you don't think that you can Cause all that you do is bound to come back to You So think of your fellow men Make peace with God but make peace with yourself Cause in the end there's nobody else.

  Turn up the music Turn it up loud Take a few chances And let it all out Cause you won't regret it Lookin back from where you have been Cause it's not who you knew And it's not what you did It's how you lived.

  Cause it's not who you knew and it's not what You did It's how you lived. 

May's Edition Of My Story. Check out Pages 18 & 19 Of Syracuse Woman's Magazine.

Check out my story in Syracuse Woman's Magazine!  

Photo's For April Are In! 30 lbs down.

January Start of Training & April To Date.  30lbs lost.

Front Profile. I can now fit into my Izumi Pants I bought!

Side Profile. I do believe my belly is leaving! Get outa here fat!

From this point on, I'm not going to be weighing myself anymore. I'm going to measure.  I have started weight training. Since muscle weighs more than fat, I'm DEFINITELY NOT getting on that scale for fear of sabotage!  

One thing to learn is that while muscle weighs MORE than fat, It also MELTS fat.  Momma likey! Hahaha  I'd like to get into proper nutrition for pre and post workouts but that will have to come another day.  

I am quite proud of my progress! This did NOT happen quickly folks.  It's been hard work, plant-based and if you've read any of my posts at all, comes with tears and sweat.   Hard work pays off!  If you want to lose weight or reverse disease, THIS is the way to do it. Make it work! MAKE THE TIME! 

It's Official...

I'm Registered For Iron Girl! YAY!!!

Disappointments Happen, But You MUST Listen To Your Body!

A disappointing training is one that never happened.  ((sigh)) 

As I wait for the team of Dr.'s to change things, I had to recover from the last 3 days worth of lows and heart palpitations from what I'm guessing is thyroid medication that needs to be lowered. 

I'm a numbers person however, and I have in my head a time I'd like to reach for my ride in the race in August. I don't want just the numbers but the quality. It means I need to be consistent on the bike and these setbacks make me pretty frustrated and emotional. Not to mention that my coach, husband, and daughter have put a lot of time and support in along with me. Nobody is pressuring me, but I certainly feel the need to do my absolute best. Not just for myself, but all those who have put their love, support and resources into helping me.

I see changes in my body as well as in my overall health, I just want to be sure I keep the right pace.

Bike Training Brought A New Workout.

What came after my hour bike training. A Monster Walk. (only my bands were lower) It burned. It REALLY burned.

My bike training was at the easiest gear straight away with no real resistance. Or was there Coach? Come to think of it, I was on a different trainer and the lowest gear didn't feel as easy as the other trainer so maybe there was "hidden" resistance I didn't know about?! Hahaha Needless to say, I felt like hurling ON the bike and doing The Monster Walk a couple times with two different bands made me feel the burn.

I didn't like either today, but afterwards I felt great and I'm quite aware of the fact that doing Monster "squats" will burn the heck out of this fat. BURN baby BURN! Get that fat off!! Get outa here FAT! lol

If your looking for me, I'll be the one crashed out on the couch icing my knees. I'm tired. I'm not sure how people do mega marathons or 70.3's. Your all pretty awesome! 

Which One Will YOU Be?

Source: Bayou 95.7

Putting "Self" Aside To Serve A Purpose.

When I start to doubt myself or start to focus too much on "ME" or "I", I'm so glad that I find solace in Gods Word. Tonight I came head to head with the things that should be my ultimate focus. None of which has solely to do with ME. As we head into the celebration of Easter when Jesus died and rose again to deliver His people to newfound freedom, I was led to Jesus' first Sermon in Luke 4:14-21.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
and the regaining of sight to the blind,
to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

This reminds me that there is a MUCH bigger picture to look at than only outward appearances or self loath/centeredness. God's plan over our lives is a very important one. When I look at all the things that I fear or stress about, it really is minuscule when thinking about Gods purpose for my life. To love Him, to share that love with others, to share the Gospel, to set an example and to just show mercy, grace and forgiveness to the world when I too have been shown the same thing.

It has occurred to me that while sometimes I focus too much on the wrong things, God has blessed me with SO MUCH goodness this year and years past. It only makes sense to remember that my life, my circumstances, my experiences and my testimony are meant to glorify Him and to minister to the hearts of others and NOT for self-addoration.

Tonight as I sat here panicking about "self", I remember someone MUCH greater who was selfless in His own gift to me through sacrificing His life so that many could LIVE. According to His word, The closer I get to Jesus is the closer I get to God. The closer I get to God, is the closer I get to the poor, blind, enslaved, and imprisoned.

I have to be willing to put all selfish and self-centered thoughts aside and be willing to accept the person God created me to be. I often think of Moses and the burning bush. It blesses my heart that we have a "burning bush" next to our sons grave. You see, Moses didn't think He could be used by God. In the end, we know that he most certainly was because GOD gave Him the strength and power to be used.

A friend of ours several years ago used to say: "Lord, bend me, break me and use me". Wouldn't that be great if we all were able to let go of the control and just let God?

This is where I am at spiritually at the moment. I am FAR from perfect and would like to think that for the most part, "what you see is what you get". If your watching me change physically, my intention is to share that there would be none of it without the spiritual aspect. There would be no balance or freedom in my life without Jesus Christ. I am just a ball of clay ready to be molded.

Inch By Inch

Pretty easy training on the computrainer today. I managed to do 9 miles on the bike in under an hour with a total of 10 miles straight and flat. My coach managed to tell me that it was the goal he had hoped for once I actually got there. I pushed the last few miles a little bit but I'm seeing pretty positive improvement each time. 

On a final note, I walked out of the place and twisted my ankle. I then proceeded to walk like a cool cat to the car when I let out a pretty loud OUCH! Guess who's icing her ankle along with her knees?! Good grief I'm accident/illness prone this year. Hahahaha

Finally Some Great News On What's Been An Uphill Battle. Hooray!

We've just come back from Syracuse Orthopedics where I have to give props to Dr. Battaglia who also is quite impressed with my coach Jamie Campbell. 

I got great news and only a small obstacle instead of a big one. It turns out I have some pretty bad inflammation behind both knees. He was pretty impressed with how far I've come and how much pain I pushed through. 

I got a cortisone shot (I feel like a real athlete now), a MONTHS worth of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory to help me get ahead of the pain and physical therapy to help me rebuild my knees to optimal standards.

I can ride for the most part but as far as running goes I'm back to just aqua jogging until my knees get a little bit stronger.

Before he left he said that my coach has been right on with using aqua jogging and he was pretty impressed with the fact that he cared more about overall health than just getting me to the finish line. Which really says a lot about my coach. He's always said he's not doing this just to help me lose the weight. It's a holistic approach to overall wellness that will not just help me lose weight but KEEP it off with lifestyle change. Thanks Jamie!

Finally, before I left the Dr. said "keep up the good work kiddo" for every 10 lbs you lose, your knees get more longevity of use to keep them healthy (I hope I said it right). He said he was proud of me for accomplishing what I set out to do.

Today is the first day I feel CONFIDENT that I will reach my goals. I was concerned about all the obstacles. This latest one is a minor obstacle and I can't WAIT to build these knees to reach a new type of potential that will change the rest of my and my families lives forever. Amazing!

Low Impact For 2-3 Weeks. Alternative Training Schedule To Come.

Well, it looks like the 3rd sinus infection I got two weeks ago has caused quite the ruckus. I have to keep in mind that as a Diabetic life is so much different from that of a healthy persons.

I have multiple infections in and around my mouth, esophagus and intestinal tract. Nothing that anyone can contract of course, but due to a combination of good stress on the body as well as the typical weakening of the immune system that comes with diabetics I have to wait it out and get aggressive.

As I was listening to the bad news, I refused to wallow in the frustration and figure out a new plan for low impact. This of course means I have to closely watch what I eat even on a plant based diet.

What gave me a new perspective was thinking of how much I want to kick this disease where it counts and look back come fall to see how far I've come without quitting. I'll see these moments where I worked hard physically but also fought hard to reverse disease and illness.

Please, if you learn ANYTHING from me let it be that eating what gives you instant gratification isn't always the healthiest choice for you nor will eating to soothe change anything that happens in your life.

We have to be our own advocates, eat healthy, be physical and take charge. I give God all the glory over my life and He has blessed me abundantly. It really is about balance physically, mentally and spiritually.

Hugs and blessings dear friends!