The Brighter Side Of Life

I felt so good today that I decided to take a picture to document my loss from size 24 to 18. 

Not many people get to see my hair down. 1.) it just rained 2.) My hair needs color BIG TIME and 3.) I'm REALLY self conscious about my thin hair and hair loss from thyroid and insulin resistance all these years. I've always wanted natural hair extensions to thicken things up a bit but it's pricey. 

I haven't really mentioned anything in a while but today I stepped on the scale thinking I gained weight but I felt like my clothes were feeling bigger. The scale stayed the same but I went upstairs to try on some older clothes to find I went from a size 24 to a size 18. I feel great in them but I still have the dreaded rolls on the tummy. I'm still waiting patiently but I suppose that this is a good sign. I'm pretty proud of myself. It's been busy this month.
I'm looking at the bright side, I'm am healthier than I've ever been!

Using The Side Stroke

I am NOT confident with the swim part of the triathlon. The only time I've ever swam has been on vacation. Nothing to save my life and nothing more than a nice breezy vacation kind of stroke. The last swim/bike/run training I had two weeks ago, it was AGAINST the current. Everything I learned in swim class at the YMCA was null and void in the open water swim against the current.

Today I'm not sure what the water will be like until I get in. What I noticed last time is that I did not like my face in the filthy water with my eyes open. I didn't care that I had my goggles on. The water has been known to have bacteria in it. I also had a tough time measuring where the buoy was when my face was in the water. How exactly can you tell?!

To add to the problem. I put anti fog on my goggles and instead of washing with water and letting them dry, I used my hands and a towel and dried the anti fog off. I couldn't see.  It was AWFUL!  THIS is the time to learn what the mistakes are so I can correct them before race day.

What one of the assistant coaches thought, was that it would be better for me to learn the side stroke in these conditions. I'm going to try it today and see if it will make me faster, more accurate to the buoy and back so that it doesn't mess with my bike time and my run time. I NEED to be faster.

IronMan 70.3 Spectating

What an AMAZING experience! Congratulations to all the Iron Men & Women. Thank you for the honor to cheer you on!

What an AMAZING experience! Congratulations t

Like

Photo's For April Are In! 30 lbs down.

January Start of Training & April To Date.  30lbs lost.

Front Profile. I can now fit into my Izumi Pants I bought!

Side Profile. I do believe my belly is leaving! Get outa here fat!

From this point on, I'm not going to be weighing myself anymore. I'm going to measure.  I have started weight training. Since muscle weighs more than fat, I'm DEFINITELY NOT getting on that scale for fear of sabotage!  

One thing to learn is that while muscle weighs MORE than fat, It also MELTS fat.  Momma likey! Hahaha  I'd like to get into proper nutrition for pre and post workouts but that will have to come another day.  

I am quite proud of my progress! This did NOT happen quickly folks.  It's been hard work, plant-based and if you've read any of my posts at all, comes with tears and sweat.   Hard work pays off!  If you want to lose weight or reverse disease, THIS is the way to do it. Make it work! MAKE THE TIME! 

One Swim Class Down, Onto The Next!

Finished first phase of proper swim lessons for Triathlon prep. Next session will kick it up a notch and then Wednesday night trainings. It's been such a blessing to have met so many new friends in the class. Even a fellow Iron Girl! This has been one of the best experiences of my life besides my wedding day to my best friend and the births of our two children.

Thank you everyone who made this possible and all those who've been following my journey!♥

Iron Girl, here I come!

It's Official...

I'm Registered For Iron Girl! YAY!!!

Engaging My Potential.

I don't usually like pictures of myself. I tend to hide or "blend" wherever and whenever I can. Today my husband took a picture of me that I really liked.  I suppose this is progress.  I also made my way into a salon to get a cut and style. This picture is pre-haircut. I should say I also avoid salons like the plague too. Looking glamorous is just something that's out of my league.

I MUST say that losing some of this weight has made me feel better about myself. I'm starting to lose that outer shell. Of course this means I can no longer hide.  My hope is that if your seeing this, You'll understand that anything is possible.  Sometimes you just have to come out of hiding and know that getting out of your comfort zone will lead to better things.

Putting "Self" Aside To Serve A Purpose.

When I start to doubt myself or start to focus too much on "ME" or "I", I'm so glad that I find solace in Gods Word. Tonight I came head to head with the things that should be my ultimate focus. None of which has solely to do with ME. As we head into the celebration of Easter when Jesus died and rose again to deliver His people to newfound freedom, I was led to Jesus' first Sermon in Luke 4:14-21.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
and the regaining of sight to the blind,
to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

This reminds me that there is a MUCH bigger picture to look at than only outward appearances or self loath/centeredness. God's plan over our lives is a very important one. When I look at all the things that I fear or stress about, it really is minuscule when thinking about Gods purpose for my life. To love Him, to share that love with others, to share the Gospel, to set an example and to just show mercy, grace and forgiveness to the world when I too have been shown the same thing.

It has occurred to me that while sometimes I focus too much on the wrong things, God has blessed me with SO MUCH goodness this year and years past. It only makes sense to remember that my life, my circumstances, my experiences and my testimony are meant to glorify Him and to minister to the hearts of others and NOT for self-addoration.

Tonight as I sat here panicking about "self", I remember someone MUCH greater who was selfless in His own gift to me through sacrificing His life so that many could LIVE. According to His word, The closer I get to Jesus is the closer I get to God. The closer I get to God, is the closer I get to the poor, blind, enslaved, and imprisoned.

I have to be willing to put all selfish and self-centered thoughts aside and be willing to accept the person God created me to be. I often think of Moses and the burning bush. It blesses my heart that we have a "burning bush" next to our sons grave. You see, Moses didn't think He could be used by God. In the end, we know that he most certainly was because GOD gave Him the strength and power to be used.

A friend of ours several years ago used to say: "Lord, bend me, break me and use me". Wouldn't that be great if we all were able to let go of the control and just let God?

This is where I am at spiritually at the moment. I am FAR from perfect and would like to think that for the most part, "what you see is what you get". If your watching me change physically, my intention is to share that there would be none of it without the spiritual aspect. There would be no balance or freedom in my life without Jesus Christ. I am just a ball of clay ready to be molded.

More Plus Size Athletic Wear For Plus Size Athletes Please!

I walked into Walmart and left depressed and insulted. Juniors and misses all had some pretty nice workout clothes. I walked to plus size and didn't see any. I thought I'd ask the associate and she said, "I'm sorry ma'am, the biggest size we have is what's on the other side". She really did feel bad.

I decided instead of feeling like a victim, that I'd do something about it. I kindly went to the service desk and asked who I could put a complaint and suggestion to whomever the buyer of the store/s were. I in NO WAY accused the gentlemen nor did I speak to him disrespectfully. I shared that to have a workout section (nice large one at that) for one size and not even offering a few options for the plus size section is insulting. I told the gentleman that I work out 6 days a week and am training for a race. That I'd like their buyers to know that just because I am above their average size does NOT mean I do not exercise.

If you are a merchandiser or buyer of athletic apparel, could I suggest that you think about offering plus size clothes from 2XL and higher for those who desire to get healthy? I would also LOVE to see more quality sports bras in DD sizes or above for women who cannot get them in stores like Dicks, Sports Authority, etc. "If you build it, they will come".

I'd also like to share that I do not like shopping in a corner or on whole different floor from the rest of my dear friends. It make us feel like we are obsolete. If I'm at all honest, I'm sick of feeling that way! While I AM getting healthy, I don't want another plus size woman to feel as though she's worth nothing. If we want our communities to be healthy, we must provide resources to do so. It's awful hard to shop online without knowing how the fit is. Wouldn't it be great if more local stores carried sizes for women who fall to the back?!

"Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner"! 

A Dream From Something Dreadful.

I've decided that when I lose this weight, I'd like to splurge on a custom dress and go to a black tie affair with my husband. I'm talking Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth from "Pride And Prejudice" kind of night.

 I have the dress in mind. No matter how long it takes to get there, I WILL have my "Pride And Prejudice" moment with MY Mr. Darcy. <3  I'll think of that, our daughter AND the finish line when I'm out of breath and praying to get through a workout.  I'll think of growing old with my husband, watching our little girl grow up and the new opportunities I'm given because of being insulin pump and illness free.

Oh how I DO hope that Mr. Shearer asks me to the ball!

An Eye-Opening Experience To Keep Me Moving Forward.

Friday I spent the day with my husband and daughter. I managed to catch up on some sleep and again on housework before we took Little Bear to a play area nearby.  The past two weeks haven't been the most productive with Little Bear having sleep issues and me getting "tested" in all directions.  The stress of it all didn't do justice for my immune system at all.

Luckily, every day becomes a new one and Little Bear is back to sleeping well, my infected eyes seem to be better, at least I think they are, and I'm just feeling overall happier.

Needless to say, I sat in the parent area watching Little Bear and my husband jumping and playing.  For a while there, I felt like I was once again just watching as my family played on.  One reason was I couldn't leave my purse (which I will gladly leave elsewhere next time).  I enjoyed watching our sweet girl move through different obstacles that she couldn't do the last time we were there. Milestones were made and I was watching her grow before my eyes.

As she glanced over my way, I kept thinking this is it Bek! This moment will be gone forever. Don't just sit on the sidelines. PLAY with her. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, don't fret about your big tummy or whether people will make fun of you. JUST BE PRESENT WITH LITTLE BEAR!

My husband and I switched it out and I grabbed her hand and just started running around with her, flying her from one obstacle to another to another.  I heard her laugh with me as she said, "mommy, here"!  My heart just melted.

 Soon, I switched out again from shear exhaustion only to see Little Bear circling around hollering, Mommy!  Mommy!

I'll tell you, it pulled on my heart-strings and reminded me of why I keep on moving forward. There are days I get SO FRUSTRATED I just want to give up.  The past 2 weeks have been hard on me and had me questioning if I could manage to work everything in.  In the end, if I manage to get into a triathlon, it will be a moment of pride that I managed to push through everything in order to get to.  A place where I'll jump for joy because through God I was able to reach a goal or goals that will have saved my life and helped me to incorporate a healthy lifestyle with my family.

In the end though, I've already managed to lose 24 lbs now, I'm starting to FEEL better, I've overcome  some pretty heavy obstacles in my way and have managed to start BECOMING a part of my husband and daughters life. Not just watching them AND my life pass me by.

Whatever happens, I'm not going to worry about the things I cannot control. What I AM planning to do  is live my life RIGHT NOW where I am.  I'm loving ME right now where I'm at and I'm allowing myself to find joy right here with my family.

When Falling Prey To Temptation...

Another tough week.  I was tested like crazy with certain aspects my daily life.  If I'm being honest, I have to say that I had succumbed to temptation last night. I felt frustrated from the week mentally, Little Bear hasn't been sleeping well, she's been up and down with her moods too. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back so to say. She was clingy, vomited all over her bed, refused to sleep and even after rocking her until 1am I ended up back up with her in the wee hours of the morning.  This week was unbearable for me emotionally.  I got pissed and had no problem reverting back to old eating habits.

All this hard work and it took one evening of temptation to put me back to square one with calories, fat and food issues.  Not only did I order fast food, I ordered the largest size (though I drank it down with water instead of soda).  A big fat double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.  I topped it off with an ice cream sundae with extra fudge and extra nuts.

That was my WHOLE day's calories and probably a whole weeks worth of fat. ((sigh)).  Granted, opting for water instead of soda was a plus but neither the meat, cheese nor the fried potatoes were a good source of nourishment. It's all dead. Nothing I ate was from a living plant. It wasn't whole-food and worst of all, it did NOT make my problems go away.  It also didn't make me feel any better.

Here's the thing though.  while I consider this a temporary setback, it is the first time I've gone back to this since December of 2013.  It could be much worse at the moment AND I'm pretty impressed with my how long I've resisted temptation like this.

Here's what I've learned from this week:

When dealing with issues with the "unknown" or where I don't feel in control, I get anxious, stressed and I am NOT pleasant to be around! My coach and I butt heads this week because I needed more communication and he was testing my boundaries to see what I would do and how much I would accomplish. It was a mental challenge having to do with exercise but also pointed to the shyer side of me which likes to stay in a corner and wait for proper orders.

Here is a little blurb I wrote and think I should post it here:

Before I lost my son, I was told a million different reasons as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What I felt my body doing and what professional medical staff told me I was dealing with were two different things. 4 weeks later, our son was born and 25 minutes later he was gone. 24 hours prior to that I was told nothing could be done and the next morning the head of the department called me in quickly to try to save him with measures that should have been done in the first place by the Dr. who sent me home the night before.
I gave birth to our son, my husband cut the cord even when we new the inevitable would happen. We kissed our son as he held my finger, we both held him and he went home to be with Jesus 25 minutes later. I walked out of the hospital without my child while most of the other women who went through the same process, were leaving WITH theirs.
All this to say, I am NOT good with not knowing what is going to happen. Not only is it an emotional aspect, but it's like going into the water feeling like your going to drown.

Second, I've heard from several plant-based folks that it's okay to have setbacks.  What WILL however, continue a downward spiral is the inability to move forward after having said setbacks.  In other words. If you have a bad day or bad week with eating healthy or exercising, use tomorrow as your clean slate. I plan to do that VERY thing!  I screwed up.  It's okay. When I look in the mirror I am NOT going to be that person who puts herself down EVER again.  I'm going to say, "okay. It was a setback but here is what I plan to do.  You WILL make your goal. You WILL make this a lifestyle and not just a temporary diet. That's why your doing this!

Finally.  I haven't always been good with making a menu for the week.  Lets face it folks.  When you have an active toddler or you wear many hats, it's hard to plan a menu and stick to it.  For me, it's hard to find the prep time and lately even harder to find new menu items.  It's why I cannot WAIT for spring and summer to get here. I'm more of a raw foodist at heart. Veggie Salads, Smoothies, Grilled fruit and veggies as well as lots of fresh picked items from our garden will be a heck of a lot easier than coming up with warm meals every day of the week.

So there you have it!  If I don't get honest, then who will I be cheating here?  Me!  My hope is that someone will see this who is going through the same thing or will be, and be able to take this experience to gain strength in their own journey.  Don't Quit! If you make a mistake, don't quit!

I'm Slowly Starting To Bloom

I had a really great swim class today! I am learning how to properly swim for a Triathlon. Technically it's a basic beginner's class which I thought I'd need some refresher's on. I'm glad I took it. The teacher was SUPER nice, "I" was the minority in the class which I love because I am able to chat with AMAZING women of different cultural and spiritual backgrounds and learn so much from them.

I met another Tri girl who new me from my CNY post and asked if I was the girl in the pictures. When I said yes, she said "I knew it!" She was SO encouraging and very sweet to chat with.

Then I enjoyed the sauna once again where I was blessed to be able to get to know the women from my class. There is nothing better than enjoying good conversation. I went from the shy one in the corner (as usual) to finally warming up and talking their heads off.

I do believe a part of me is starting to relax a little more and just enjoy conversation without being so guarded all the time. It feels good!

Train Your Brain!

 "The space in this post won't allow me to tell you everything on my heart I have about this phrase, but I want to encourage you today--your MIND is where it all starts folks. If you just start attacking your area of struggle without first changing your heart, then allowing it to hit your head, then it's just behavior modification and will not last long.

Check it- you have to TRAIN your mind. TRAIN it. It will not just "happen". You should be ingesting TRUTH regularly so that you may be able to discern when the battle is there and then proceed accordingly. I'll list a few scriptures for you to "chew" on below...You will have a battle today for the mind. Will you take it captive to Truth or allow the enemy to plant himself there?"  Peak313 Fitness  

This fits for today. I'm struggling with something that's hard to put in the past. I get angry, I push people away, I refuse to let people in and at times, when you see a smile or hear a laugh, on the inside I feel like I'm drowning. It's a part of this process. The journey I chose to take so that I can live a more freeing life pleasing to the Lord where I can just stop trying to control things. Stop needing to know everything and stop blaming people for the sadness I hold in (a lot of that blame is toward myself).

I was perfectly happy dealing with the physical aspect of this, but try to push me out of this particular comfort zone, and you'll see a whole new side of me. 

It's not a pleasant side, in fact, the person I've become because of fear, anxiety and anger from an event I couldn't control has caused me to have a little bit of PTSD. Up until this post, there have only been a small handful of people who knew this. A husband who has supported me and put up with it because he loves me. A husband who has now been pushing me along with my coach, to get out of the box. Who also allows me the space to make that decision which will change my life not just temporarily, but for good. 

I am trying, eventually I will succeed by standing on Gods promises to give me courage. In the meantime, I'm trudging ahead like with everything else. When I'm weak, I know that in God there is strength.

Stepping Out Of My Creative Comfort Zone

I've been playing with the design of this blog myself.  It seems like I may be creating it on my own.  I can't believe how often I am stepping out of my own comfort zone and accomplishing even the smallest of things I never thought I could do.  Keep watching.  I think this is appropriate!  I'm working hard to overcome some serious physical, emotional and spiritual obstacles. So instead of paying someone to design my page, why not me?! FEAR NOT.

Disappointing Workout, Something Learned, And A Great Group Of Tri Girls!

1 hour on the bike @ Bikeloft N. Disappointing workout but glad I didn't quit. Feeling like I'm going to hurl, icing knee's and found out that my legs are turning out. I nearly died laughing when my coach showed me the position. 14 years of dancing lessons have paid off...It was Plies position (though not good form). Now I need to UNlearn twisting my legs because they're hurting my knees. The harder my workouts get, the more work I see to rethink old habits and start new healthier ones. Recovery time!

I also had a great time this evening with the Tri To Train Group.  I felt so good after that informational meeting. Each of the seasoned group members talked about their experience, what let them to it and what their goals were.  I actually walked away thinking I could pull this triathlon goal off. Haha

The girls meet come spring to help each other reach their goals, pray for one another and push each other when we need it.

I really have to say that having SO MUCH support is helping me.  I am grateful for a husband who supports this endeavor as well.  Not everyone has that kind of support.  It's why groups like these REALLY come in handy for those who need encouragement that don't get it at home.  I'm lucky enough to have it here at home, in my group, in the CNY triathlete community, with my coach and SO many others.  I really hope that some way I can be of encouragement to someone else.  Just to get out there and stop living in fear!  

First Low Impact Swim Class

Hell MUST have frozen over because I was seen in a swimsuit for my very first swim class. I cannot tell you HOW scared I was to walk around in front of people in a swimsuit.

After I got through the deer in a headlight look, I got in the pool and spent an hour just stretching nice and easily for an hour with a low impact workout.  I felt great and even made friends afterwards in the sauna drying off.

It's been good to get back in the swing of things.  Last Wed. I was achey all over my body. By Thursday I had a sinus infection and my knee was hurting from the incline walk the night before. It was kind of unusual as I've done an incline walk and hadn't felt so bad.  My poor body was fighting itself. Cross between the weather, sinus infection, Ovarian Cysts which I suspected burst, and just feeling pretty darn sick.  I wrestled with MANY things over the weekend.

FINALLY I'm back in the game so-to-say. Coach asked me to wait until I was done with the z-pack to start back up.  Even then, we're treading lightly since my knee feels achey still.  We've been trying to build my leg muscles up. They are crap. I haven't really used them in YEARS, so its no surprise.

Tomorrow I have aqua running to keep me running therapeutically without putting added stress on joints and muscles.

Friday I'll be on the bike trainer.  THAT is a different sort of pain.  It's a burn.  It's also an extreme mental challenge for me. I have to get past the mental fear of not being able to finish it.  Two weeks ago I did an hour on the bike and it was EXCRUCIATING!  Last weekend I had to miss a training session thanks to the issues I was dealing with.  NOW I have to work back up again.  My hope it to get 1hr and 15 minutes in.

I also know I have to eat MORE. I've always skipped breakfast. During training days I'd eat a banana.  That is until my coach found out.  If I don't eat more, my body will find it harder to run.  It may be why last bike training I really felt awful.  We'll see how it works this week!

So far I've had oatmeal for breakfast, a Chia protein bar, we stopped at Moe's after the gym and I got a veggie bowl NO CHIPS, No cheese. Just salsa, veggies, rice and beans.     Baked Sweet Potato for dinner with a salad.

Unlimited water today and I've had 20 ounces of orange pekoe tea with lemon.

Pushing Beyond What You THINK You Can Do

This week has not gone as I had planned it. Balancing potty training (kudos to you moms & dads out there with more than 1 child), house work, exercise, and eating regularly has been really hard to me this week. Add to that, I'm feeling bloated, moody, and achey all over just gives me a feeling of wanting to curl up in bed and never get out.

I wasn't sure if I should meet up with my yoga instructor today with sinus issues and a sore throat, but both she and my coach thought it was a good idea. ESPECIALLY with the stiff and achey joints which my yoga instructor thought was combination of weather and newness to more intense workouts for me.

She came, I stretched, learned that I'm holding my breath a lot (it's what I do when I'm tense), even did a downward dog (loosely). While I still have some aches and pains in my joints, I feel a heck of a lot better than I did had I not done yoga today. I'm feeling like it's easier to breathe, and much of the tension has loosened up a little.

Tomorrow morning is hydro running in hopes it will loosen my joints and muscles a bit more. I can't help but feel a little disappointed that training hasn't gone as perfect as I wanted.

Here's the most important thing. I feel SO blessed to have a slew of people who are keeping me accountable! My sinuses and body make me feel like a Mac truck hit me. My mind is, well, moody! Not only was I unsure of exercising today, I honestly didn't feel like getting out of bed. Had my yoga instructor and coach not talked with each other and decided to kick my bum in gear, I wouldn't feel better than I did BEFORE I stretched and breathed. It is in a sense win-win when you get past what you think you CAN'T do and just do it! My body feels better for it and my mind is a tad bit clearer.

I really have to thank my coach Jamie and yoga instructor, as well as all the new friends I'm making through the Tri community. Family and friends alike whom are supporting me along the way. There really is no reason to make my goals and I feel REALLY blessed for all that I have. God is good! 

Yoga and First Jog Longer Than 3 Minute Intervals. 20 minutes To Be Exact.

An hour of yoga with my instructor. THE BEST yoga experience. I learned breathing technique, basic poses and stretched the heck out of my body. last few minutes were a gem with just relaxing. LOVED it! 

If you've only done yoga through a video it's time to get out there and go to a class. A few things I've noticed: Just following a video pose doesn't mean your doing yoga correctly. If your not feeling it, your not doing it right! 

You are more aware of your stretch, technique, breathing and upper/lower body strength at the same time. It's not as easy as it looks. I sweat and I was doing VERY low impact for my body type. LOVED the stretch I was getting, but most importantly the focus I had to have to BREATHE through each pose. Having a yoga instructor is certainly more beneficial. If your looking for an instructor, let me know and I'll hook you up with classes that are available. 

I felt the burn in my upper body today. Can't WAIT to do more! Thanks so much to my yoga instructor for her help and kindness.

Tonight I'm doing a full 20 minute jog (never before done) with a warm up and cool down on the treadmill.  I will try some of the techniques I learned today from yoga to stretch and relax before bed. 

1st Bike Photo An Endurance Increase And Life Changing Perspective

 Hill Climb Workout at Bikeloft N. Weight to power ration is increasing and endurance is increasing from last training session. SO exciting! (not exactly my prettiest moment, but I have to start somewhere)

I finished my training!  Last time I road a little over 4 and 1/2 miles. TODAY- 7 miles! I needed this.  I REALLY need this mental win! As always, thanks again to my coach for all he's done.  I don't think I've ridden this far in 10 years.  Maybe longer.





I spent the last 24 hours in a war with my mind.  I got 2 hours sleep because my mind wouldn't stop wandering about todays workout. Could I REALLY finish it? Each training session has gotten slightly harder and after the other day's workout on the treadmill I was just emotionally drained and felt defeated.

My husband has spent much of our marriage encouraging me.  What really frustrates me is that I push his words aside like they don't matter. Not on purpose of course, but in my head "I'm not good enough". So when he tells me that I AM, I'm basically brushing it aside and calling him a liar.  I can't even imagine how this must feel to him.

When I finished todays workout, I felt self satisfaction.  What frustrated me a little in the beginning (and it was for good reason), was my coach would leave me for several minutes at a time to myself.  I didn't really grasp it until today.  When I race, nobody is going to be there WITH me to push me ahead.  My coach won't be behind me to shout me to move on, my husband won't be there to kindly encourage me only to hear me push his kindness to the side.  It's just going to be me, my legs, the water, a bike and other athletes surrounding me at their own pace.

Today I fully understood his method.  He never leaves me for too long. In fact, when he knows I'm struggling to make the last few moments or a particular climb, he's there. He talks me through it and redirects my focus. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. He lets ME do the work, to care enough about MYSELF to engage in a different thought process and focus. He's there when I need him though and won't let me fail. It's teaching me self discipline. Something that I need so bad. Something that will help me to lean on my own strength and courage instead of constantly leaning on my husband to do it all or anyone else for that matter, because of chronic fear. It's reshaping me to be a stronger...ME!

At the end of my training session I asked if we could go over my results to compare workouts.  Each workout was a different kind so it's like comparing apples to oranges however, we noticed a difference from last time. We noticed quite the increase in endurance and "I" pushed myself increasing my weight to power ratio. Seeing the results made me happy!  I kept saying, "I know I'm not ready to race yet" and turned to hear coach say, "Bek, you have to BUILD UP to it.  This is not going to happen overnight".  Have I mentioned how Amazing and generally compassionate my coach is?  He's tough, but he really is the greatest!

I shared those last sentiments with my husband to hear a HUGE hurray from my husband to my coach. He's been telling me this for quite a while now.  Which leads me to my final thought...I think it's time to let go of this baggage I'm holding onto.  It really isn't healthy.  My husband loves me.  He's patient, kind, gentle and puts up with more than any man would.  I AM however, glad to God for this lifestyle change.  Maybe letting go of the baggage will help me to accept my husbands word and trust the man God hand-picked to be the love of my life forever. He deserves all the love and respect I can give him.

Blessings Everyone!