Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Journey People Don't See

Post workout snack.  cucumber and hummus sandwich with sliced tomatoes and broccoli sprouts.  Add to it some coconut water so I don't have leg cramps in the middle of the night and we have a well rounded very yummy snack.

Feeling better and back at it.  Went back to a 30 minute C25K workout but raised the speed (4.5 not at all bad for this chick who's never run a day in her life).  For kicks I did 1 minute of squats with 10 second hold x 2. Ask me if my legs were SCREAMING?! Go Ahead?! THEN did stairs on top of walking backwards on the treadmill for a minute (almost fell of the treadmill to boot! I'm VERY graceful like that ;)  ).

 The past week not only have I been sick, but I've been struggling mentally with food and overall attitude.  I've become board with the "same ol" plant based foods. I miss my meat, dairy and especially my cheese. We went to a wedding and the reception had meat, pasta, AND veggies of course but I decided that if I left myself with no room, I wouldn't make it. I had pasta with meatballs, LOTS Of veggies, shrimp and yes, a tiny slice of cake.   Even WITH my sugars were WAY above what they've been.  I know the importance of less fat, meat and dairy NOW more than ever.  I love it, but IT doesn't love me!  I went from feeling good to shortly feeling guilty and got darker from there.  I became aware of the choices I made (there WERE loads of veggies there which I did have, but I didn't need the meat or cheese).

Fast forward to today and my choices and attitude seemed to be better today.  Blood sugar has been excellent and it only got better after exercise.    This weeks menu I'm changing around because of the boredom. Still plant based, but I'm going to try and make some mock comfort foods to help me through the emotional and mental aspect of getting healthy.  I'm starting to hit things face on.

One good thing is after my deep sadness of wanting to SEE quick results, I'm starting to push past it and understand that I'm not going to see them so quickly.  I find myself having to ignore my thoughts which want to crawl in a corner with people I know because I don't think they can see the changes that are happening on the INSIDE show on the OUTSIDE.  Some days I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there.  Then I look at my husband and little girl and remember that it's not just about me.  I also know that in order to see results. "I" am the only person who can push myself to the best ME that I can be. THAT I'm doing for myself! To find the courage and strength God has given me to overcome that fear and self doubt that's always said "your not good enough Bek".

What a journey!

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