Friday, March 14, 2014

When Falling Prey To Temptation...

Another tough week.  I was tested like crazy with certain aspects my daily life.  If I'm being honest, I have to say that I had succumbed to temptation last night. I felt frustrated from the week mentally, Little Bear hasn't been sleeping well, she's been up and down with her moods too. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back so to say. She was clingy, vomited all over her bed, refused to sleep and even after rocking her until 1am I ended up back up with her in the wee hours of the morning.  This week was unbearable for me emotionally.  I got pissed and had no problem reverting back to old eating habits.

All this hard work and it took one evening of temptation to put me back to square one with calories, fat and food issues.  Not only did I order fast food, I ordered the largest size (though I drank it down with water instead of soda).  A big fat double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.  I topped it off with an ice cream sundae with extra fudge and extra nuts.

That was my WHOLE day's calories and probably a whole weeks worth of fat. ((sigh)).  Granted, opting for water instead of soda was a plus but neither the meat, cheese nor the fried potatoes were a good source of nourishment. It's all dead. Nothing I ate was from a living plant. It wasn't whole-food and worst of all, it did NOT make my problems go away.  It also didn't make me feel any better.

Here's the thing though.  while I consider this a temporary setback, it is the first time I've gone back to this since December of 2013.  It could be much worse at the moment AND I'm pretty impressed with my how long I've resisted temptation like this.

Here's what I've learned from this week:

When dealing with issues with the "unknown" or where I don't feel in control, I get anxious, stressed and I am NOT pleasant to be around! My coach and I butt heads this week because I needed more communication and he was testing my boundaries to see what I would do and how much I would accomplish. It was a mental challenge having to do with exercise but also pointed to the shyer side of me which likes to stay in a corner and wait for proper orders.

Here is a little blurb I wrote and think I should post it here:

Before I lost my son, I was told a million different reasons as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling. What I felt my body doing and what professional medical staff told me I was dealing with were two different things. 4 weeks later, our son was born and 25 minutes later he was gone. 24 hours prior to that I was told nothing could be done and the next morning the head of the department called me in quickly to try to save him with measures that should have been done in the first place by the Dr. who sent me home the night before.
I gave birth to our son, my husband cut the cord even when we new the inevitable would happen. We kissed our son as he held my finger, we both held him and he went home to be with Jesus 25 minutes later. I walked out of the hospital without my child while most of the other women who went through the same process, were leaving WITH theirs.
All this to say, I am NOT good with not knowing what is going to happen. Not only is it an emotional aspect, but it's like going into the water feeling like your going to drown.
Second, I've heard from several plant-based folks that it's okay to have setbacks.  What WILL however, continue a downward spiral is the inability to move forward after having said setbacks.  In other words. If you have a bad day or bad week with eating healthy or exercising, use tomorrow as your clean slate. I plan to do that VERY thing!  I screwed up.  It's okay. When I look in the mirror I am NOT going to be that person who puts herself down EVER again.  I'm going to say, "okay. It was a setback but here is what I plan to do.  You WILL make your goal. You WILL make this a lifestyle and not just a temporary diet. That's why your doing this!

Finally.  I haven't always been good with making a menu for the week.  Lets face it folks.  When you have an active toddler or you wear many hats, it's hard to plan a menu and stick to it.  For me, it's hard to find the prep time and lately even harder to find new menu items.  It's why I cannot WAIT for spring and summer to get here. I'm more of a raw foodist at heart. Veggie Salads, Smoothies, Grilled fruit and veggies as well as lots of fresh picked items from our garden will be a heck of a lot easier than coming up with warm meals every day of the week.

So there you have it!  If I don't get honest, then who will I be cheating here?  Me!  My hope is that someone will see this who is going through the same thing or will be, and be able to take this experience to gain strength in their own journey.  Don't Quit! If you make a mistake, don't quit!

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